Stable Or Stuck?

Stable or Stuck?

In marriage, there is a temptation to become comfortable without continuing to grow. Think of a ship. It is designed to sail the open seas, withstand high waves, and navigate storms. Yet it is equipped with an anchor.

The purpose of the anchor is to provide temporary support to maintain a steady location. It may be time to put it into port and resupply. Perhaps there is a need to suspend sailing and utilize the benefits of the location you are presently in. But the anchor is not put out for normal sailing activity, it would make sailing nearly impossible.

We must at times stop and rest. Daily our bodies require sleep. Weekly we should sabbath, slow down, and unwind, these are great habits that provide physical and mental relief. The Bible calls for a yearly Sabbatical or celebrations. Our marriages need times of refreshing. So how do we determine if we are in a rut instead of taking a rest?

In a marriage, we can get stuck in habits and attitudes that do not serve the purpose we were christened for. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24 ESV) We joined a union for: better or worse, rich or poor, sickness and health. When we first entered the covenant, we may have had an inkling of what our lives together might be like, but we did not completely comprehend what the promise would require. So we must practice and adapt. Just as a good sailor routes the most efficient and safest path to get to their destination, we should attempt to live lives to avoid unnecessary conflicts. Like being put in a position of compromise.

Our commitment requires us to travel through life together. We must navigate perfect sailing seas and also storms. The journey is meant to be taken as a unit, with both man and wife fulfilling their assigned function.

Sometimes, however, marriages can get stagnant. Stay in the same port too long. Allow routines to become ruts of laziness. The difference between the temporary slowdown to re-engage and an idle regimen can be measured by the value it returns.

Curtis and I attempt to maintain a healthy routine with morning devotionals every day and evenings at home four to five nights a week. When Curtis returns from work we challenge each other to New York Times games on our phones, eat together, and watch Wheel of Fortune or an episode or two of our current series. Currently, we are watching Tracker on Paramount Plus and House of David on Prime. The Chosen new season is out, so that is also on the list. We add a walk or a kayak to the evening as often as weather and light permit. Some evenings we sit on the cabana and watch for satellites and stars. There are evenings when we work on a project together. The variety helps us maintain excitement and interest in our time together. We are never bored when we are with each other. After a normal evening with my husband, I am renewed and refreshed.

We do have times when we need to sit back and relax. Those evenings, we allow for additional media or just listening to music. Our lives are full and busy and time to pause is necessary. The key is when it stops being refreshing and rejuvenating and has become a rut to move out of port and back out to sea.

A rut puts us in danger of losing the interaction value of time together. Sitting on the couch every night watching TV does little to enhance the connection. It is a passive activity. Likewise, going out every night can be a rut of avoidance; not wanting to be alone together. The key indicator is did the activity or lack of it enhance your marital bond? Do you feel closer to your spouse having invested that time into your relationship?

We all need stability, and times we can count on to catch our breath. But we also need time to grow our relationship by taking on a challenge or adventure. It is a delicate balance to stay connected, but not overly committed to futile activities. Take inventory of what your routines and habits are expanding your love as a couple. The things that don’t add value; need to be cast off. The things that sharpen you together; need to be protected. Finding rest and joy in the balance; needs to be a priority.

Happy Honeymooning!

“Nevertheless, as for you individually, each husband is to love his own wife the same as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33)