The Honeymoon can, does, and should last!

“The Honeymoon doesn’t last.”Well, that is what we were told to expect over thirty-five years ago.Guess what, they were wrong!

Curtis and I have been privileged to live in the reality that the honeymoon can, does, and should last. We are nothing special of our own accord, but living and focusing on God as our Head and Jesus as our role model, we have discovered a place of joy and happiness despite the circumstances around us.We model what it looks like for you with examples of how Curtis acts as head of the family and a servant leader.Which puts me, Terri, at peace.I can then operate freely in my calling as a helper and can stretch my creative wings.When I am operating in my part as collaborer, Curtis is confident to move boldly in all that God has called him to be.We want to share these simple habits with you in this book.

The Bible is the book to follow to live an abundant, passionate life. This book reflects on and depends on the Living Word of God, focusing on practical habits and attitudes that put God’s design in your marriage every day.Curtis and I have proven in our marriage that growing in our relationship with God individually is the secret sauce in keeping our honeymoon alive.We have included the practices we have found most successful in this book.

• Through scripture memorization, we begin the process of renewing our minds.
• Couples devotionals that require you to work together.
• Soul-searching activities that will ask you to stop and allow the Holy Spirit to work on your identity as Christ’s bride.
• Utilization of examples of Biblical couples, but in a modern-day light as guides, both good and bad.
• Games and suggested activities are woven throughout each season to ensure you slow down and savor the moments of growing together.
• Team building activities and insights to help you see your spouse as your partner, not your adversary.
• Calendar ideas to keep the intimacy fired up.
• And of course, deeper Biblical journeys that you have permission to skip if it is not helpful at the moment.

Just as starting a new health journey physically requires fresh recipes and ideas, so do new ways of relating to your spouse, building a healthy marriage habit.We use the scriptures, stories, and experiences to bring practical, doable everyday habits to our marriages.

We have added a few family recipes (not necessarily healthy) to help emphasize that everything we do today builds a legacy throughout the generations.Having a long-term vision of what you would like your family gatherings and memories to be helps aid the planning and decision-making today.

Living the Honeymoon Life does not mean we expect or aim for perfection, or that we will never encounter problems.We are here to testify that trials and tribulations do happen. Curtis and I have faced many of life's heartaches: rebellious teens, physical and mental health, legal, layoffs, financial issues...Living a Honeymoon Life means we don’t pack up and go back to mom and dad’s when difficulties come, we have learned to embrace each moment as it comes.We address the ups and downs and different seasons that will be encountered, but add tips and truths to help you and your spouse stay unified no matter what the season.

What to expect in each season:

Spring: This season means change.Change, whether for the better or worse, can cause our harmony to be tested.Becoming newlyweds or bringing a baby home happens early in the marriage, before there is a historical foundation built on trust. Professional advancements, going back to school, or moving, can happen at any time during the journey and require both parties to reset their comfort zone.Later, we face empty nesting and professional retirement, which can challenge our sense of mutual purpose.A solid plan of what the marriage will look like at this stage can ease the sense of loss or uselessness.Building a foundation on God first in our marriage assures that when the wind and rain come, our house will stand.The good news about many of these changes is that they are generally foreseen, allowing for preparation before we enter the season.Like the turning of winter into spring, there are signs of the coming phase of new growth.Viewing these circumstances as opportunities to start a fresh new lifestyle focuses our minds on God’s plans and blessings for our lives.Living the Honeymoon Life softens the stress of change by teaching tried and true methods to prepare for the new reality.We lean heavily on God’s Word by having a memorization verse. That will keep us as a couple anchored to the solid ground of building our lives on the Rock!“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old things passed away, behold new things have come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Summer: While the term “lazy summer” described my childhood, today it is quite the opposite.School and sports activities that historically ended with the final day of school now stretch long through the summer break.Often, these events require travel and added expense to the budget.As couples, we must guard against child-centered family life.In this season, we tend to burn the candle at both ends, meaning we over-commit and under-rest.The signs of Summer are long days filled with constant activity.Marriages in Summer may be in child-rearing years, demanding the sacrifice of sleep and rest.Pursuing professional growth, requiring extra hours to climb the ladder of success, can become misaligned and cause us to get our priorities out of order. Even good obligations to community and church can start to impose on our precious time alone with our Father in heaven, and certainly each other.Extended children's activities without regard to how they affect and benefit our overall schedule leave parents running in opposite directions.While all of these commitments are good, attempting to cram eight days of obligations into six days results in frazzled, disjointed relationships.In this season, we teach you how to identify areas of your marriage where you need to sabbath, just the two of you in rest.Building these habits during times of high demand will create the assurance that, no matter what we are experiencing on the outside, our internal bond is cemented with the glue of heavenly commitment.Jesus modeled this lifestyle when He extended an invitation to His disciples at the height of their ministry.“And he (Jesus) said to them, ‘Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest awhile.’ (For there were many people coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat.)” (Mark 6:31)

Autumn: While fall will be experienced throughout a marriage, many will find the later autumns of life to be the most difficult to experience the joy.Experiencing fullness of reaping a bountiful harvest during these golden moments should be taken as love notes from our Heavenly Father.As a child growing up in rural Iowa, autumn was a time of gathering, canning, and sharing from the overflow we could not possibly consume.Similarly, these periods in our marriage should be full and fruitful.But the truth is, even as Christians, they can challenge us by leaving us feeling useless or questioning the relationship.We tackle “Gray Divorce” head-on in this season.This is the highest increasing population of divorce in America, and is made up of couples with 20+ years of commitment, over the age of 50.Are you hearing this, Church?We are quitting just when the fruit is ready to be enjoyed!Curtis and I challenge this epidemic by speaking the truth in our Christian communities.We leave no room for interpretation, divorce is not in God’s original plan, period!We focus on setting a marriage mission statement to ensure that we do not waste the calling God has on us as a couple.Having a marriage vision and continual check-ins to ensure marriages are not getting off course.Autumn must be a time of fruit and giving. Working toward Living a Honeymoon Life will set you on the course that brings you closer to one another by focusing on closeness to God.“Therefore, we do not lose heart, but though our outer person is decaying, yet our inner person is being renewed day by day.” (2 Corinthians 4:16)

Winter: With all of its harshness and bitterness, winter can cause our relationship to grow cold.But it does not have to cause the death of the relationship.We share our very real experiences of life that could have caused strife and separation within the marriage, but by the grace of God, these bitter moments taught us to hunker down and serve each other during the grieving process.For us, bitter seasons have included rebellious teenagers and our children walking away from their faith in Jesus.Mental health and legal battles.We have faced lay-offs when we had many obligations to fulfill.We have grieved the loss of parents and friends.Through each trial, by having our spiritual armor securely fitted, we defeat the true enemy of our souls, the devil.We walk through the process that brought us out the other side of pain and disappointment.Like winter on Earth, there is great value in harsh seasons.In these challenges, we can find rest from expending energy for growth.Just as the earth hibernates during frigid temperatures and causes the turning of water and soil to bring nutrients long hidden underneath to the surface up so they can be utilized, Winters in our partnership can be a source of revelation of how powerful God has made the covenant of marriage.The richest soils exist in the harshest climates.Or as we like to put it, “smooth seas, never a skillful sailor made.”By facing winter prepared and in unison, your marriage can flourish under harsh conditions.“This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.” (1 John 5:14)

Weaving examples of how our natural world around us reflects that each season is inevitable and a part of the journey allows us to keep a sense of humor while facing very real challenges.A life free of conflict would not be very interesting and would certainly not cause us to grow.Like any good story, life must include conflicts to resolve, hurdles to overcome, and even the unfortunate heartache to learn to endure.The spiritual intimacy that can be gained by facing these storms together is worth every effort.

Finding the Honeymoon in the Everyday

We don’t have to wait to experience big situations to guard our hearts and minds toward unity.Clearly, it is the small everyday habits that make us fit for larger emergencies as they arise. So do not neglect the honeymoon in everyday!

At this writing, we had just returned from our annual grandchildren visit in Maui so it is easy to feel reconnected.We are blessed to have so much family and community on the Island.But waiting for an extravagant destination to kindle romance is a huge mistake.

Finding the connection in the mundane and common is the foundation of Honeymoon Life.It is nearly impossible to have an intimate and romantic getaway once a year if the other 358 days of the year the relationship is left to fend for itself. It is like hitting the gym heavy for one week a year and expecting lasting results; that is not how strength is built.

How to Build a Christ-centered Marriage

To keep a rhythm of connectedness, fill out a calendar of your commitments to each other. Put solid boundaries in place that are non-negotiables; devotions, prayer, date night, keeping outsiders out of your business, and making the world wonder if there really can be that much happiness in this life. Yes, there is, and you can have it – and they can too!

Include:

• Daily devotions and prayer together: Walk in the cool of the day in the presence of God. (See Genesis 3:8a) If you are not already in the habit of doing devotions or reading scripture together, a simple way to start is on the Bible App. The devotional can be done separately at a time convenient to each of you. You both can comment on the passage to keep each other tuned in to thoughts on the verses and their impact on you. To start the habit of prayer together, make a prayer list and take turns saying the prayer out loud. Having a record to document answered prayers encourages the habit.
• Weekly Sabbath: “Jesus said to them, ‘The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.’” (Mark 2:27) Choose whichever day of the week works best for you both. We like to go from evening to evening. Remove all menial and unpleasant tasks. Do not be legalistic, but enjoy the rest carved out for you and your spouse.
• Monthly date night that is on the calendar. Print out a ticket or make your own to make sure this formal calendar event is set in stone. Knowing you are the top priority in your spouse’s agenda can really turn the romantic fire back on. “The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:3)
• Yearly escape to refresh, reconnect, and relax. They can be stay-cations to extended holidays abroad, use your creativity, and stay on budget to make these blessings.

The key is to prioritize your time with the Lord and with each other. You will need to check back in frequently to see how you are doing and adjust anything that is not working.

Let’s focus on finding the romance in the everyday. It’s in the holding hands on the drive to the grocery store. Sitting too close to each other while watching your favorite show. The snuggle that causes you to hit the snooze alarm. It is the design that God intended for your marriage!

We celebrated our thirty-fourth anniversary and are making plans for something special to mark the thirty-fifth. But in between now and then, you better believe we are making little celebrations every day!

Christian Marriage Communication

What we say to our spouse in our actions will speak louder than any words we could utter. Life is busy and demanding, and the temptation can be to let the marriage take a back seat. But keeping the freshness intact and rediscovering each other, making “us” a priority even when time and energy demands are high, ensures we don’t lose sight of the most important commitments: God and our marriage. We think it is an exciting challenge to steal away, just you and your spouse, not allowing the taxing world around you to keep you distant from one another.

Like personal preferences in food tastes, each of us has a preferred love language – the flavor of preference for affection and love we hunger for. (If you and your spouse do not know each other’s love languages, take the simple and free test from Gary Chapman's bestseller “The Five Love Languages.” (https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language/)

It is important to learn and speak or work in your spouse’s specific language. This is what we call “filling the love tank.” Whether preparing for big changes associated with Spring, the busyness of Summer, the lull of Autumn, or the bitterness of Winter, it is important to fill the love tank before entering each season. Curtis and I like to think of it as making deposits into an account so when the inevitable withdrawal is needed, like forgetting or minimizing an important event for your spouse, the deficit is not so deep. But the deposits must be in the currency most valuable to the receiver, the account holder.

Perhaps you are a “physical touch” speaker, and your spouse is a “quality time” hearer. One way to satisfy both languages is to set out a simple picnic on a blanket, in a quiet spot. Pack no-bake cookies, sandwiches, and homemade lemonade. Lie on the blanket, feeding each other a bite or two. Once you’ve finished eating, lie back and hold hands while enjoying the quiet. Add in a devotional or some worship music to keep the focus on your heavenly lover as well.

Finding Your Marriage Mission

Discovering your marriage mission is critical to living the Honeymoon Life. “With no vision, the people perish.” (Proverbs 29:18a KJV) If we hope to be an example to others, we must be living it ourselves. God has called us to lead others to be their best. We must live out our God-given Marriage Missions daily. But we must first work to discover what our marriage mission is. If you have not yet taken the time to know what your common mission is, here is a place to start.

Activity: Let’s Work This Out Together:

We recommend getting away for a quiet time to do this. Spend time independently and corporately in prayer. Journal separately, then come together to brainstorm. You may use a Venn diagram or just his/her lists to identify the common responses.

Take time to list on paper or your phone all the things that you and your spouse naturally do together and enjoy (the work you just did on your calendar can help you identify some of these), like host get-togethers, get game nights arranged, volunteer at a homeless shelter, teach Bible studies, bring troubled teens into your home, teach tennis lessons or play doubles, complete woodworking projects, etc. What do you do together to show the light of God? You will probably end up with more than one mission in your life together. There will be a current vision, a short-term implementation, and a long-term, bucket list mission. The key is to get it put down on paper or digitally to keep you focused on what’s really important.

Expect this to take more than one session to get a solid vision of it. Once you identify what your collective mission is, you will find many places to do ministry together as a unified couple. Pray together about these commonalities. Ask for vision and scripture to claim and cling to when the vision seems too difficult and far away. Seek the Lord on this. Be thirsty for him to identify your “couple calling,” and He will not let you stray from His path, because it glorifies His name. (See Psalms 23:3b) Our good Father wants us to know and live in our highest gifts.

An example that happened for Curtis and me is this: We have marriage missions written down and in business plans. We have prayed over, made plans, and identified people who are similarly called and may be a partner in our MM (marriage mission). On July 7, 2022, we received confirmation that we were operating in the correct gifting when a prophetic word was given to us while we were at a service at Grace Church Maui, our home church on the Island. We were told that I “carry a plow” and Curtis “carries a sword.” We have different equipment but one calling, and we are to “teach others how to use their equipment.”

I am called and better equipped at the dirty work, “getting my hands right in the turkey,” while Curtis is called to “declare and decree” a less hands-on role. For a little bit of our marriage, I tried to fit Curtis into my gift. If he wasn’t serving or stepping up in the manner I was, I thought he wasn’t stepping up at all. Like with this book project, he is adding to the content, so you get to hear his voice as well, but the burden is on me to create the bulk of the content.

But hear me, there is no way I would be sticking my neck out in this boldness if I did not have my knight in shining armor, sword at the ready, providing protection for me all the time! Live in your individual gifts but cooperate together in your collective assignment.

As with everything, your mission statement will need checking into and possibly revising as you journey through different seasons and stages of life, which lends to another excuse to get away. So the cycle continues.

Marriage Rooted in Faith

Citizens of Heaven, we are only travelers here! Focusing on this truth will be essential to renewing our minds in order to keep God first in the marriage. This life is training for eternity. It gives us opportunities to practice the commodity of God: love. It can be compared to our nine months of gestation in the womb, the time it takes to mature us for our lives in eternity. One of the prime areas in which God can work intimately within us is our relationships with fellow travelers, and there is no closer reflection of how we will relate to Christ on His return than marriage.

We have attempted not to be just another Christian marriage book on communication and intimacy, but to give practical, useful how to make those practices natural within your everyday walk. We have broken up the sectionals as seasons, utilizing examples of the ever-shifting world around us. We can seek to prepare for the experience of times of difficulty and ease in our marriages. The key is to take each moment as it is offered and make the best of it.

We invite you to consume this book as a couple and start in whichever season you are currently experiencing. If you are going through a bitter trial, start in Winter. If you are experiencing change, head to Spring. If you are in a season of being busy and hurry, get right to Summer. If you are starting to slow down but refuse to become obsolete, Autumn is your place. We strongly encourage you to read the “How to Use this Book” introduction to maximize your experience.

Biblical Marriage Advice-Marriage is not 50/50, but 100%-100%

God’s love permeates the darkest situations. He is in your changing landscape of life, calling to you in your hurried and busy lives. He has good plans for you when nature and circumstances try to convince you otherwise. And His are the arms that hold you during your deepest pain, providing healing. It is our prayer that within this book, you will find stories and activities that offer relief and purpose as you learn to keep focused on your mutual faith.

Journey with us through the seasons of marriage to prove God’s unfailing, always present love for His children, you and your spouse. Can you truly live a Honeymoon Life? There is only one way to find out!

Happy Honeymooning!

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6)